This week's media reports involving allegations of serious sexual violence and deeply troubling behaviour by teenage boys would have parents feeling concerned, saddened and uncertain about how to discuss these issues with their sons. I am sure like me you find these reports deeply distressing. They remind us of the importance of ongoing, age-appropriate conversations about respect, consent, personal boundaries, healthy relationships and the way we speak about and treat one another.
Pope Leo’s first encyclical, Magnifica Humanitas, reminds us that every person is deserving of dignity and respect. At St Augustine's College, this conviction shapes how we encourage our young men to speak to others, treat one another, take responsibility for their choices, and respond with honesty when they fall short. Like Augustine himself, who learned through his own struggles and growth, we seek to form young people who can look beyond themselves and recognise the equal worth of every person.
For all schools, particularly our school that you’ve entrusted with the formation of your son, this is a serious responsibility. Our students are growing up in a world of extraordinary possibilities, but also one in which many messages compete for their attention and shape their understanding of identity, relationships and power. Some online spaces described as the “manosphere” promote distorted ideas about masculinity, entitlement, women, relationships and success. These influences are not always obvious, they can be insinuated through humour, memes, Tik Toks, and dangerously powerful influencers, or casual conversations. It is precisely because they can appear normal or entertaining, that we must give it careful, calm and honest attention, as Augustine said to ‘fraternally correct’ what we know is wrong, and it must come consistently from the adults who love and guide our young people.
Words matter. The language young people hear and use can either affirm dignity or diminish it. Inappropriate, sexist, degrading or dehumanising language is never “just banter” and should not be dismissed as harmless. Nor should serious allegations of sexual violence be minimised through careless labels. When disrespectful language is normalised, it can dull empathy, obscure responsibility or at worse victim shame. As a school community, we must be clear: the way we speak about others is part of the way we honour, or fail to honour, their dignity.
This does not mean condemning all young men when others behave reprehensibly. We need to empower the many young men, including those in schools that have been named this week, who are appalled by the alleged behaviour and the willingness to degrade and debase another for sexual gratification. Our task is to teach, correct, accompany and hold your sons – our boys – accountable in ways that help them grow. Boys and young men benefit from clear, age-appropriate discussions about consent, empathy, respect, digital behaviour, personal boundaries and the responsibility each person has to look after themselves and others. They also need us to believe that they are capable of becoming generous, courageous and compassionate men.
We need to speak strongly about the courage required within peer groups. Good men do not remain silent when something is wrong. They hold one another to account. They set a high bar for how friends speak about and treat others. They understand that strength is shown not by taking advantage of someone who is vulnerable, uncertain, or isolated, but by protecting them, standing beside them and ensuring they are safe. This means challenging comments, jokes, messages, images or behaviour that make them uncomfortable, even when it is awkward because it’s a mate. It means refusing to be a bystander and making it clear that dignity, consent and respect are not negotiable. A culture of safety is built when boys understand that loyalty to a friend can never mean excusing harm; true friendship calls another person back to what is right. This is a difficult thing, even for adults.
At St Augustine’s College, through our AWE program, pastoral care, faith formation and learning programs, we focus on the values of respect, dignity, responsibility and care for others. We want these initiatives to help students develop the knowledge, language and skills to build healthy relationships, make positive choices, seek help when needed and contribute to a safe and inclusive community.
This work cannot be left to schools alone. Pope Leo’s emphasis on human dignity also reminds us of the importance of partnership: between home and school, between parents and teachers, between pastoral care and learning, and between faith and daily life. The principle of subsidiarity, central to Catholic social teaching, holds that institutions should support, rather than replace, the role of families. Families are the first place where children learn the “grammar” of living with others: how to listen, apologise, forgive, serve, respect boundaries and care for those who are different from themselves. It is our job in school to strengthen and extend that formation, but we do it best when we are working in trust with parents and carers.
I encourage families to create opportunities for conversations about respectful relationships, consent, recognising inappropriate behaviour, how to challenge friends whose behaviour is not acceptable, the online content your sons are exposed to, dating, courage and kindness. Ask what your sons are seeing online. Ask who they follow. Ask what they think makes a man admirable. Ask how they respond when a friend speaks about another person, or young women, in a degrading way. These conversations may not always be easy, but they matter.
Our society has become increasingly individual-centric; empathy is the salve that draws us back to community. It teaches us that we cannot simply do what we want, we need to consider the needs and dignity of others. It helps our young people move from self-interest to solidarity, from dominance to service, and from indifference to responsibility. The most important gifts we can give young people are compassion and empathy.
As a College, we will continue to form students through our pastoral programs, classroom learning, faith life, discipline processes and daily conversations. We will continue to challenge language and behaviour that undermine dignity.
Above all, we will continue to work with you to hold before the young men of our College a hopeful vision of the person they are called to become: a good man who recognises the dignity of others, speaks with respect, acts with integrity, protects the vulnerable and helps build a world less centred on the individual and more shaped by Truth, Love and Community.
Please see below for additional resources and support:
- Teaching Our Boys to Respect Women - Justin Coulson
- Teaching our Sons to Respect Women - Happy Families
- Raising Boys - Maggie Dent
- Daniel Principe - Youth Advocator and Educator
- Teach us consent
- AIHW
- NSW DCJ support
- NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research
Jonathan Byrne
Principal
